Awesome Parents of an Adopted Child

The birth of a child is a miracle. Though science can explain it, but majority of us would agree that having a child is a blessing. After having personally experienced it, I do believe that it is the most amazing wonder of God.

I read in an article from BBC news health report, with the complexities of life in the 21^st century 1 in 7 couples experience infertility and the  infertility number is predicted to double in the next few decades.

Unfortunately there are so many charming couples who are unable to experience this incredible miracle of God.   But a few of them are the most blessed ones, who against all odds take the courage to adopt a child , a child being born to someone else, being made from some unrelated genes , sometimes unfortunate or an unwanted child. 

Presumably, adopting a child does not sound like an easy decision to make. I would assume decades ago it was much more difficult and uncommon. The fostered children did not have the same fortune.

But modern society has been broad minded. More importantly, today’s generation seems to be more open minded and tolerant to some of these social issues. I take pride in knowing at least a few couples who have adopted children for different reasons, be it against the unkindness of nature or be it social enterprise or something else.

The question still comes to my mind if the affection and care an adopted child gets be the same as what we give to a biological child. Will it make a difference if a child is your or adopted.   Ideally the answer seems “yes” because otherwise why would most of us take pains to get into the birthing troubles and the lifelong effects it has at least on a woman’s form.

But in reality, if I look at some of the adoptive families I know and as per various discussions I had with different people who know such blessed families, I see no difference in care and love these parents give to their child to such an extent that at some point in life it will not matter at all if the child was biologically born to them to adoptively “born” to them.

Kudos from my side to anyone and everyone who out of whatever reasons take the extra spirited decision to shower their most precious love and life to their “adoptively-born” child.

On a concluding note, if at all it concerns the society that there are so many children around the world whose need of a loving family go un-addressed, I wish many of us including me could gather the courage, even if we have a biological child, to adopt at least one child to make this world a better place to live.

I know this post could be a very sensitive subject to many but I hope I do not hurt anyone. If any of my words hurt you in any way, I would like to apologise and ask for forgiveness as I have no intentions to cause any disgrace. Be it biological parents or adoptive parents, everyone deserves a praise for putting in all the efforts and love in raising a child.

A Glass 1/2 empty or 1/2 Full

Today I want to write for all the working women out there ...striving to excel at their jobs and at the same time striving to do justice to the very demanding household needs. Specially I want to take this moment to admire the working mothers, with no offenses to the housewifes and non-earning mothers. I believe all mothers are great achievers and all women excel in whatever they do.

But close to my heart is a working mother !!! .... ME . I want to express the hardwork, the pain , the guilt and the sentiments we carry, how hurt we are when someone says that we are not giving 100% time to our kids and leave them in a daycare.
I have personally come across questions like :"HOW can you leave your 1.5 yrs old son in the daycare !"
"HOW do you feel when you dont see his face for 9 hours"
"Oh poor boy ... he has to stay in the nursery"
"Oh dear ..you are not able to spend time with your child as much as we do"
" He's not learning much from you ... u are not around most of the times "
and so on ....

All the queries mostly coming from other women who not necessarily want to hurt you but sometimes do. I fail to understand sometime if they are trying to justify their non-working status by trying to show me the "1/2 empty glass". I  might sound rude, but honestly when someone challenges my "motherhood" ... I cannot take it.
Working or no-working .... we all carry the golden heart of a mother. A mother, no matter what circumstances, will always do the best for her kids.

I am a positive, strong headed professional person who wants the best out of best for everything. So , frankly, I get offended with this thought that is my child loosing out on something. But then I self treat myself and  think about it a bit differently. I apply the "1/2 glass full " philosophy.

And my "1/2 filled glass" says that every moment I live , I care about my family. Every moment I am away, I miss my son. So I collect all my love in my "little 1/2 glass" and keep it filled till I catch up with my child and usher on him all the missed hours ... I play, I dance and I do everything to make him happy and on the selfish side, make me happy !.
On the other hand, in the daycare kids learn so much. The statistics say that the kids who go to nurseries in an early stage turn out to me more social people. They make friends and learn to be self dependent so quickly and much more.

When my son grows up, I shall ask him if he ever felt that his mother is doing anything less .... I am sure his answer will be my Trophy.

So all the working mums out there, never feel that you are doing any less ...you are doing much more because you try your best to compensate for the lost hours by giving your kids the extra cuddles, the extra care and love whenever you are with them. You do the extra mile to keep them happy and pampered.

3 Cheers to all the "Working Mums" from my side.

Be Proud.

I just don't have time !!!

One of the most critical thing in today's life is "Time". So often you find someone saying  "Sorry I didn't get any time". Little did we hear about the "time management" birdy in 80's and 90's. But now ... it is a big deal.
It seems today's life has become like a race and  a typical morning starts with an alarm on your mobile knocking you out of sleep, saying "Get up !!!, your time is running out " .

The elderly generation says that there is so much mechanical help these days as against their time and yet the current generation is always in the get set go mode. Has "time" become more critical than "money". Indeed !

People are making lots of money. But, specially in a typical Asian kinda environment, there is no time to spend the money.  Or if at all you are able to spend it, you dont have enough time to really enjoy it. 
 
I thought about writing on this topic encouraged by 2 people, must say 3 including my husband. One, an ex-colleague who provided excellent feedback about my timing skills during my appraisal. Second , a friend & ex-colleague who appeared on my facebook account after reading my blogs and said "Do you get more than 24hr a day ?"

 Well I dont think I am a time management guru. Without much thinking I would say I dont apply any special rules or anything. Just do it. May be that's the way I am. But this has certainly made me think what is it if other people wonder how I do it.

From my own personal sense, I think I inherently follow a few key things like : 

1. 1st thing first. Define priorities. It is important to know what should be done first and what can be kept for last. Chalk out a plan. Doesn't need to be always on a paper or laptop. I usually do this in my mind even for my sunday activities which would include grocery shopping , weekly cooking, taking my son out to a park, gardening , cleaning, ironing etc etc. You need to know if talking to your girlfiriend, preparing for an exam, watching a movie or painting your house has to be prioritised. Similarly it applies to your various contributions at work. 

2. Time budgetting. Like money, time can also be accounted for. While you are making a priority list of things to do, budget a time for every activity and get it done in the stipulated time.
Lot of times , specially over the weekends , I observe my partner unintentionally under estimating travel time making it difficult for him to follow up on the trailing tasks and he ends up struggling by the evening or missing out on important tasks. It is really important to have a rough idea of what it takes to finish a chore.

3. Keep your commitment. I always try to meet my committed time. Be it as small a task as to meet a friend at a pre-fixed time at a train station, though mostly I end up waiting for them :(
Learning to keep commitments saves lot of time and helps you maintain your timing for the next task.

4. Multi tasking. There are things that can be done at the same time. If you can plan even small routine things parallely, believe me it gets you so much time. Simple everyday example, I dont have to cook dal, rice , vegetable and chapati one after the other. I put the rice in microwave for 20min. At the same time I put the dal in pressure cooker on hob and also start cooking the vegetable on 2nd hob. And by the time these are cooking , I can make chapaties on the 3rd hob. So not more than 1 hour for everyday cooking. Before I start cooking, 2 min to setup my washing machine and by the time I finish cooking, my clothes are washed. I'm sure most of you would be doing things like this but just wanted to stress that little things if done deligently can help you save lot of time here and there.

5. Treat your body. I read somewhere in a Yoga forum that it is your duty to give enough rest to your body and mind. It's your body that does whatever you want to do. Life is hard with an unhealthy body. So for me, missing out on one or two not so urgent tasks to give some rest to my body is more sensible than anything. But again, it depends on the circumstances. With a calm mind and a restful body, you are certainly more efficient. Dragging a tired mind to another day will only lead to delaying tasks further and ineffective results. So always try to keep you mind and body fresh.

6. It's an attitude. Leading an organized life is an tendency. Bring it in your mind-set. Make it your attitude not to make someone wait, make it a habbit to reach on any invites in time, make it a practice to plan little things quickly in your mind every time you are faced with multiple tasks. That doesn't mean you need to live a computed life. But certainly applying it at relevant places will help you save enough time for yourself and the ones you love.

Time is precious .... dont keep it locked but spend it wisely.

15th Aug .... Independence day ... Are we ??

Happy Independence Day Dear India.

Of all the Facebook status updates this morning, many of which talked about Independence day , flag hoisting and laddus, here's a message that made me re-think :

"Freedom is not political , but of the mind, from the chains that hold us back from realizing our own potential, the possibilities that lie ahead.. freedom is when no one tells you what you cannot or should not do, freedom is when you can pursue your dreams unfettered by the constructs of age, gender, culture and class, freedom is when you do not have to bribe hundred people to get things done, freedom is when you do not have to elope with someone whom you wish to marry, freedom is when you do not have to fret over how to afford a decent education for your child, freedom is when you are free from the favor of affirmative action"

 ... alas .. my dear India .. are you free ???? 

This morning I asked some odd 20 foreigners, engineers or professionals like me,  if they would someday even think about living in India ...None said yes owing to the corruption, poverty , politics and general notion about the country. Unfortunately, it was the biggest shame I had ever faced. 

The job opportunities, atleast I know about IT, are much much more in India. So why does no one even think about going there.  Although it seems, with the growing economy we have, time is not far when the world will start looking upon India for opportunities in terms of mass migration and living standards. But something that has always bothered me is the gap ...the gap between the rich and the poor, the gap between Bandra and mumbai slums, the gap between qualified and unqualified. Unless this gap is filled, the conditions of corruption and crime are difficult to improve. So when and how can we build the country to a stage when global community will strive to go to India. Honestly I do not have an answer ...

A very simple example I can think of the "complexity" of improving India is driving. Can we ever improve the driving system in India. How can we implement rules, regulation, discipline on Indian roads. Millions of drivers are already on the road ... is it possible to re-educate them. It may be possible for the new drivers but the existing ones ?

But of course there are much more important and difficult issues to challenge India's contention to be a world power. Freedom is what we want from poverty, illiteracy, corruption, caste-ism and dirty politics. And then , we are no doubt the number one.

As for now, there are miles before we can  proudly say "Welcome to India" and not face shame when someone comes back from a business/holiday trip to India and complains of stomach bug he had. There are miles before we can say we are doing what we chose to do and say boss ... I am better-of in India.

It seems impossible though, but if I look back at India as it was 20 years ago, it has really come forward and successfully placed it among the top "developing" nations. I wish and I hope India takes over the world with his hospitality, culture and potency, abolishing the images of corruption and offering an everyday life of high standards. I may have sounded downbeats , but I am what my country has made me and I am proud of it.

Good Luck Freedom.

"Everything happens for our own good"

Believe it or not, everything does happen for our own good. Trust is the only thing you need to believe this.
When something goes wrong, it is common to wonder ... why me ! Why did it happen to me ? Why not to him or her. Why not to the person next door. !! But all we need to do is to try to understand "why you".

Let me recite a very popular short story we all would have learnt in our childhood.
The story of the Tiger and the injured boy.

"One day a boy called Ram went to jungle along with his friend Shyam to pick wood for the chimney. His mother said it is going to be cold and they need to bring more sticks for the chimney to keep the house nice and warm and to cook for all of them. But she also asked them not to go very far into the jungle and come back before it is dark.

Ram and Shyam started walking into the jungle . They were excited to see many birds, wild rabbits, deer and many more animals. The boys kept walking on and on deep into the jungle , playing and picking sticks, they didnt realize how far into the jungle they have arrived. Ram had picked too many sticks already. He wanted to pick a few more to please his Mum. While he was trying to pick a few more sticks, he fell over a large stone and hurt his knee . It started to bleed. Ram started crying in pain and started to moan about why "his" leg got injured. A little later the two friends started walking back to home. It was getting dark and cold. Ram and Shyam were a little scared . They could hear scary voices of wild animals. Oh my God .. hiding behind the bushes was a lion. Ram and Shyam were shaking to see a big lion in front of them. The hungry lion would eat 1 of the boys.

So who did the tiger eat ? Ram or Shyam.
The tiger ate Shyam because he would not eat an injured body.! "

Moral of the story....

Everything Happens for our own good.

I truly believe in this saying. So when anything goes wrong in my life, I remind myself of little Johnnys story and that behind this could be something for my good. Most of the times I can realise how worse otherwise it could have been.

Certainly this doesn't mean we shouldn't try to achieve what we want. A failure because we didn't work hard enough cannot be justified by saying "it happened for my good".
If I get up late, miss my train and get late to work , I cannot justify this by saying that "it happened for my good".
Well in some cases it could be !!!!

I still remember on 11 July 2006, when my sister phoned her husband to start a little early from office that evening as a few guests were expected at home . He said he will. And then a little later we all got to see on tv the terrifying news about multiple blasts in the mumbai local trains. My sister literally got frightened as it was the train her husband was supposed to catch. With all mobile networks being blocked, there was no way she could find where he was. Finally , after a few long hours , there he came exhausted , making his way through the gruesome incident. We were relieved to find out that he missed the unfortunate train by a few seconds. Thank God he missed the train for the good.

So when things go wrong , beyond your control, when you couldn't have done anything to avoid it, just believe that it really happened for your own good .

Duvet Day

Stressful life as it is .... full of work, responsibilities, actions, responses, and so on.
There are times when you just feel like doing nothing . I always believe in giving proper rest to my body and mind. A restful mind and a relaxed body are a key to good life.Exercise, massage , outing are some recommended ways of relaxing but for me another good way to relax is a "duvet day"

And today for me it is well deserved "just do nothing Duvet day".

Past few weeks have been very demanding for me. A critical project was running at office, my hubby was off to India and I was on my own in this busy city of London with my cheeky toddler who always likes to keep me on my toes. After a hectic day at office , including a few working weekends too, I had to pick up my son from his childcare, then off to a grocery shop or an icecream parlour as he would ask for it, then to home followed by cooking, feeding him, giving him bath , reading to him and then making him sleep. By the time he slept I was nearly dead tired. But since I was on my own, I had to look at posts regularly, make payments , anything that needed attention etc etc. Sometimes I had to even remote-login into my office desktop and work a few late hours. Overall, it was like a life on my own.

Times like this when you realize how important and helpful your partner is in a routine life. And specially because his absence was prolonged, my son was missing him so much that he fell sick so often. He was getting little difficult to deal with. I had to pay extra attention to him, spend more time playing, take him out and what not.

Last week my project was delivered successfully and a few days ago my hubby has returned too. We all are happy and life is coming back on track. Daddy and son are off to Legoland fun park for a Daddy-son day out and Mum is at home to relax. So here I am under the duvet. No cooking, no working, just doing nothing.
Today's schedule for me is internet timepass browsing, facebook-ing , music and most importantly SLEEPPPPING.

Having a great Duvet Day.

My secret Love ....

Yes I have a secret love which I'm gonna tell you all today.
Hmmmm... and what is it ?

Though it started way back but I never realized. There are things which you carry somewhere behind your back but you dont know. I remember when I was very small, may be 10yrs old, I used to write a personal diary...a daily diary. Don't even remember now what I used to write . May be something like what I did , my lunch menu, my scores at school , what and whom I hated. what I liked, what my best friend said and may be about my crushes, etc etc ... Unfortunately I destroyed that diary few years ago because when I read it after 10 years I felt so embarassed about what all stupid things I wrote. What will anyone think about me if he or she reads it ... Gosh cant take it. They are gonna tease me :( But today I think I should have kept it. Afterall that was my childhood and that's how I was ... however stupid !

Later when I found the guy of my dreams (I was still in my secondary school. But that's another interesting story to write :-] ) , the diary writing took the form of letter writing. Yes! "love letters" . The letters used to be so long that Ashish used to literally get fed up with a long 4-5 page letter every day ! And when I insisted for a reply, he used to give me a letter once in a fortnight small paragraphs just in 1/2 a page :( which literally annoyed me at that time but later I realized, it's Not his fault ! He simply couldn't write as much as I could.

I never realized that I would actually love to write. Yes it's my secret love... "Writing"
I know I am not a eminent writer. Neither do I write anything different nor do I have a exclusive set of words. I dont even know if anyone would be ever interested in reading whatever I write, except my parents who just love whatever I do. As simple as saying that I am not a professional writer, actually can not even be counted as a writer. Just love to express myself through writing. I love to write whatever I feel. I love to pen down whatever my experiences are. It's just a mirroring of my day to day life and my thoughts.
So when did I realize that I enjoy writing .For this, again I need to thank my bundle of joy, Shreyansh. Love you son. Muah Muah ... It's when I started to write my first blog about my feeling and experiences as a Mum, I started to enjoy writing more than ever. And now I want to write more. My fingers just move on and on , non-stop , typing when I start to write. At times, it's like my fingers want to type more and I fall short of thoughts. Now what's that ? Dont know. But that is how it is. Still discovering my love for writing.... yet to explore what all I want to write.

So let's keep it simple... I am not a writer but I love to write.